bridging

it still amazes me how much one food product can run an entire country, and yet (as you most likely know by now) a shortage of corn due to a lack of rains this year threatens to place many families without food for the coming months. i have been amazed already at the people that have come into the clinics saying that they haven't had food for a couple of days or telling us that they expect very little or no corn from their harvest this year.

and as equally as this, i have been amazed at the attitude that people have towards it. i had a family come into clinic a couple weeks ago and tell me in a very matter-of-fact manner that they could not take their one month child with a 103 degree fever (and no sites of infection that i could find to treat) into the hospital for further testing and monitoring because they had no money... when i asked about how their crops were this year, i got an equal matter-of-fact answer that they had no crops because it had not rained enough in their area; when i asked about their plan? they would buy corn until they couldn't anymore. very black and white, end of dicussion. and i got the same response out of the other couple of families that i asked that day about their crops.

as we later discussed the seeming sense of apathy towards the food problem this year by even those who will suffer from it, leslie reminded me that this attitude is very much inline with the responses we get from so many women when we ask how many living children they have and they will tell us about the deaths of four of them with the same tone they would use to recount what they ate for breakfast that morning, and that what i can so easily mistake for apathy, often comes from the general attitude of acceptance of what life brings their way. i have many times noticed that whether they actually profess to follow christ or not, there is a seeming foundational understanding among all that God holds the ins and outs, the comings and goings, and beginnings and endings of life. and while in its extreme form, this can cause an apathetic attitude and a hardness of heart towards life, in many ways i have a lot to learn from this principle myself...

as i touched on in my last post, i am also reminded during this time how much the guatemalan peoples' hands are tied which further contributes greatly to this attitude that i can often perceive as apathy. what are they going to do? get mad at God for not letting it rain this year? that will not put food on their table, and the other responses are not options. there are no mcdonalds to go work at, no social welfare system in place to get money from, no secure job in place to pay back any money they could borrow during this time, etc. it is times like these that it is so obvious to me the reason for the big influx of illegal immigrants to the states, the reason that men will leave their families for months at a time to work on a sugar cane plantation, and even the reason for the problem among the men with drinking and leaving their families. not at all that i am condoning these responses, but i can see how without christ, one is left without the hope and security that fuels a moving forward in life. and in its place can grow a desperation and a giving up.

i have felt more at peace in these past few months leading up to this time that we are here for a reason and a purpose than i ever have before in my time here. i often wonder, and probably will until the day i leave or die, what our role here is... how we use the gifts, blessings, and responsibilities that god has given us to invest in lives and relationships around us... to help the people without enabling them. as i have become more and more impressed with the fact that we will not ever be guatemalans and that we will never not be americans, i know that one of our biggest roles here is to work as a bridge between here and the states.

we have spent a lot of time talking about different ways to help the people through this drought and have been amazed as a few people from the states have written or called wondering how they can help. as craig and leslie have mentioned on their blogs, we are in the process of trying to set up a system for distribution of cheaply bought or donated corn that we can have brought down here on a container. while this is still in the works, we have felt compelled to continue on in this as we anticipate a rough year ahead for many, getting them through not only this dry season where they usually live off of the corn that they have harvested from the rainy season, but also through the rainy season where they are still planting and growing the corn for the next year. as we move forward in this, we also know that this is not something that "the americans" need to be seen as doing, so we have talked to friends of ours in san andres about partnering with them to distribute food, clothes and other necessities.

it is also a huge desire of our hearts to partner with the churches. in an area that already has so much lack of unity and discipleship among the churches, our prayer has always been (and especially more so in these past few months as we have spent mondays and wednesdays praying over canilla and san andres) for more unity and for eyes to be opened to the needs of their own people here. we are in prayer over a time that we can get together with all of them and together come up with some ways that we can unite to provide help during this time.

please continue to keep guatemala in your prayers at this time. as the people here struggle through knowing where their next meal will come from, and we desire to carry out our responsilibites here with integrity and within what God has called us to, the last part of 2 corinthians chapter 12 has run through my head...

"but he said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness...'
and that is why, for Christ's sake, i delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. for when i am weak, then i am strong."

one woman plus five children plus no food equals...

we first saw her husband about a year and a half ago when he came into our clinic with a large welt-like raised mark along the side of his neck, looking much like a nasty scar, thin and slithery like a worm and heading down towards his chest. he had been to several places seeking out help, but no amount of bloodwork or treatments had helped him, and he continued to get worse. we also were not sure what we were looking at as we examined him, so we treated him for a fungal infection and asked him to come back the following week, giving us some time to talk to other docs to see if we could figure out what it was. he never came back.

a few months ago, a woman came in with her five children in tow, aged 8 years old to five months old. she quietly explained to me that her husband and her second to youngest child had both passed away a month ealier, she wasn't sure why, and she now would like full exams for herself and each of her children to make sure that they were all okay. as the history behind their deaths unfolded, i learned that her 18 month old child had died of "diarrhea," and her husband had died of a rash that looked like a noose around his neck. i soon realized that her husband and the above mentioned man were one and the same.

they live in the village tintauleu... you may remember the name from martina's story. her grandfather was a prominent witchdoctor there who owned most of the land, and had a strong hold and influence over the people until the day he died. he had actually come to the clinic in san andres during his last few years and gave his life to god, repenting and turning from his ways... however, he returned a few months after that asking leslie how he could get the voices out of his head... the voices of the ones he had served for so long now. soon after, he returned to his witchdoctor ways and his visits to the clinic were less and less until the day he passed away. within the past three years, we have personally diagnosed at least three families from that village with aids, and as the numbers of people we see and treat from there grow, we often find sad stories of malnutrition, and the spiritual poverty is apparent in almost all who enter.

so, i started with an aids test, but quickly and gladly discovered that it was negative according to our tests. although obviously lacking in food, her children all appeared healthy, and when i asked her about a relationship with god, i saw the first smile play across her lips since she had walked in the door as she told me that her god had gotten her through and would continue to. praise god. it continues to amaze me the strength of faith that emerges in the midst of difficult circumstances...

she told me that at that time she had enough corn to get her through for a bit, and she soon after started working for a neighbor fertilizing his fields to make a little more money. however the work has ended, her corn is gone, and the past couple times that she has come in, their recent meals have consisted of a couple tortillas and herbs. we have been able to help her out with food through the nutrition program, but i am realizing more and more that she needs more than just our food... and i do not know what to do. we have always believed in the mentality of "teaching them to fish instead of giving them fish," and i would love for her to have a job that would provide a steady income, even if just a little bit. but as our rainy season has resembled the dry season more than the rainy, more than a few families are struggling to make ends meet, and food, jobs, and money seem scarce.

in the past couple weeks, i have searched out different microfinance programs and different textiles that she could make and sell, but the truth is that all of those options are jobs in and of themselves for the person that will set them up, and they require knowledge in areas that not all people (myself included) are trained in. they require more than just the heart - they require time, resources, knowledge... and as i already wonder how my life will change with the addition of a baby, i have been forced to face my limitations again.

i don't know why this one situation has affected me so much more than others... i think that i just grow so weary of watching these women and children come in with basic needs unmet, and watch them walk right back out the door into a world that has been so harsh for them from the beginning. i have no doubt that God is in control, and i have no doubt that He loves them more than i ever could... i know that He works miracles today as much as He ever did (because i have seen them), and i know that prayer is the greatest thing that i can do for this family and so many others. but i still cannot help but wonder why?

and as i am forced to acknowledge my own limitations and my own blessings, i realize that there is absolutely no reason at all that i live the life i do and she lives the life she does. there are so many things we hear people say, and if we are honest, we have all thought ourselves at times... "they are poor because they do not know how to manage money," "well, if they would stop having so many kids!" or " well, if they would just follow jesus and stop living in sin." but the Truth is that i do not deserve the blessings or the life i have more than she does... i have not earned it more, i have not worked harder for it, i have not sinned less, i have not been more pure, i have not been perfect, i have not always made the right choices, i did not choose where i was born, who my family is, or what my nationality is.... there is absolutely no reason, except for God's grace.

and while i wish i could end this story right now with a happy one-liner, the truth is that this story has not ended. she still sits in her room, working hard to make the beans and rice and oats that we gave her stretch over the next week, wondering when the next group will go to the coast lands to cut sugar cane on the large plantations there... a trip that she will make with her five children for a few months in hopes to be able to get enough money to make it through another year...

i know that there are needs everywhere in the world, and i know that guatemala is not without God's grace or hope. but i also know that "to whom much is given, much is required..."

and we, america, have been given much.

and not just in the areas of money... we have an education system that exceeds in fourth grade the level of education that these kids will graduate with here. we have been taught how to manage and critically think from a young age. we have been raised in a country that, at least as of right now, still acknowledges God and christianity above all other religions. we have a creative God who longs to use us in different areas of His body... who calls us and molds us and gave us a creativity and ability to give so much more to Him and those around us than just our money.

we have been given so much! what are we doing with it?

much thanks to all...

one thing we have all realized as the blog world has caught on down here is that there is not always enough stories to go around :)

i am sure you have read by now the stories of teams and individuals who have come down in a steady stream for the past few months... each have been a blessing, encouragement, and new story to share in.

but i still wanted to be able to add my own thanks to each who have been willing to give of themselves this summer... your service will not go unrewarded, and i pray that you will continue to seek God with dilligence, obedience, and joy as you return to your life in the states... He promises to be found by all who seek after Him.

that's different....

(please note that there is another new post below this one that should probably be read first...)

we had a freind heather sutton visiting for the past several weeks, and one of the things that she passed on to us (as passed on to her by her mother) was the phrase "that's different" in place of when we would be tempted to say "that's weird." and that kind of sums up some of the experiences i had this past week.

although i am usually prepared for the fact that there is nothing "normal" here in guatemala, there are some things that happen that i would not have ever expected even if i had been warned of them...

on friday morning, aaron walked out into the back pasture at duane and leslie's house and noticed that one of the calves that had been looking sick was not responding to the treatment they had tried, and was now looking near death, to put it nicely. while still walking enough to nuzzle me, she was extremely thin, and now had bloody stool (sorry to the non-medical or weak stomached people). so, leslie, hannah (from phone consults) and i used our "people medicine" brain and decided that she needed metronidazol and fluids. i half jokingly said to aaron, "i mean, ideally we would start an iv on her..." little did i know that less than an hour later, i would be out in the back field, hovering over a 200 pound calf, trying to figure out how in the world you start an iv on something with so much hair! as she was struggling quite a bit, and at this point couldn't even stand up, we figured that any efforts made would be better than nothing, and i kept feeling for veins and then sticking the needle in. finally, about to give up, i shoved the needle in as far as it would go towards what looked like a vein in her neck, and with only a bit fo the catheter left to go in, i felt the pop that meant it had entered the vein, and i got a blood return.... i was in shock. so, we quickly hooked up the "bovine" iv fluids that aaron purchased from town, and sat there for two hours while it slowly drained. i would like to say that all of our efforts were worth it, but about three hours after the iv was finished, we said good-bye to our new-found friend forever on this earth. i do have to say that those kinds of days do make me wonder what future experience that was preparation for.... :)

and saturdays clinic continued the weirdness... i mean "different-ness."

about an hour into clinic, a child got hit by a motorcycle outside of our clinic. in about five split seconds, we had a knock on the door, a kid being rushed in moaning, a mother wailing, and about 500 people standing in the waiting area, buzzing with questions and speculations. thankfully, there was nothing worng with the kid, except for a scrapped up elbow and a little scratch on his head, but it seemed to get the ball rolling...

while this was all going on, hannah moved over to help leslie with the emergency care (i'm not one for blood if it can be helped... i know, why did i choose nursing then?), i finished up my patient and took over hannah's. it was a young sweet girl who told me that she was here for an ultrasound to see if she was pregnant. i had her lay on the table and i got the ultrasound up and running. as i soon saw a little baby on the screen, i pointed to the screen for her and said, "here's your little baby." of all the responses, i was unprepared for this one as she covered her face with both hands and openly started weeping! unsure of quite what to do, i asked her if she wanted the baby, to which she strongly shook her head up and down in a "yes" manner. so, i placed one of my hands on her arm, attempting to give her time to calm down a little, but she sat straight up and put her head on my shoulder, weeping. as i patted her back, she threw both arms around me and continued to cry into my shoulder. (remember that at this moment, there is about 20 extra people on the other side of a thin curtain examining the boy who just got hit...) so, feeling quite awkward, but also being able to relate in my current condition (please see the below post for further explanation on that one) , i find my eyes tearing up as well, and we stand there, two women, holding each other while the patient openly sobs tears of joy, and the nurse tries to hold back tears of her own... different, but good :)

and towards the end of clinic, i had an older lady in her 70's come in, walking with a cane, and taking her time to sit down in her stiffness. as her complaints were listed, she pointed out her toenails which were in need of some good anti-fungal nail lacquer that we had just received in our clinic. so, i sat down on a chair opposite her and, with her feet lifted up on a chair between us, i proceeded to spend the next 10 minutes painting her toenails. as we continued through the toenail painting experience, she also brought out her glasses which had a lens popped out that i put back in, and then she told me that her birthday was coming up next week, and wondered if we gave out money here for birthdays... so, i informed her that "no, we do not give out money for birthdays here" (to her great surprise), and helped her out the door, ending a consulta that felt more like a beauty shop/glasses repair shop/chuck-e-cheese birthday consult than a medical clinic consult...

and so i am reminded that the differences often become the things that make us smile, and remind us that (at least in guatemala) there is rarely a "normal." how boring would life be if God had made us all the same? and not made some of us just a little weird... er, different.... :)

babies, babies, babies...

well, after living in a country for three years where everywhere you look there are babies and the signs of new babies on the way, aaron and i are finally joining "the club"... yes, i am pregnant!
i am still very early, not due until february, and going through much amazement that something that is not even visible from the outside is effecting this much change inside me already :) we are very excited as this little one grows and changes daily... excited for when we can see some physical changes (which i am sure i will quickly wish would disappear), and excited for the day we will bring this little bundle home, while still seeking to take each day as the blessing from God that it is. what a testimony to the extremely detail-oriented and creative God we serve, truly knitting together each little baby, taking note at even the number of hairs on his/her head... (my paraphrase of parts of psalm 139).

we plan on having the baby down here in guatemala and then continuing to serve in the ministry as a family of three...

so, i am not sure how many people still read this blog, but we would like to find out the sex of the baby during pregnancy, and i thought it would be fun to put out a poll on who votes what sex.... any opinions anyone?

a message from the lord

monday afternoon while leslie and i were making lunch, grace and abi walked into the kitchen where grace announced (very dramatically) that there was a message outside. "a message?" leslie asked her. "yes, a message" she said, eyes getting even wider and hands moving up and down at her sides for added emphasis. about to ask her what it said, leslie got cut off by abi, who (just as dramatically, eyes wide and head bobbing up and down) chimed in, "yes, a message! a message... from... the lord!!" so, feeling compelled to see this message as we now understood that it was not just any message, but a message from the lord, leslie went outside with her girls hand in hand to check it out while i continued with the lunch in the kitchen, anxioualy awaiting to hear what this message could be ;) they returned a couple minutes later with a package from the mailman (who had been waiting at the gate) and the message from the lord: "vendemos perritas." strangely, this particular message from the lord came in the form of a sign that rachel put out on the front gate so that passerby-ers would know that we were selling puppies.... :)

last thursday we went to unilla. we left canilla early in the morning, hoping to get a good head start, only to be detoured to a nearby village while we waited out the rain, forcing us to wait until about 9:30 or 10:00 to land in unilla. and it is still hard for me to not compare this place to san pedro since they are in the same area being a couple miles down the same river from each other. at first, this time was not much different than the last time there.... the children ran out on the runway with whoops and hollers, excited at the landing of the airplane, while the men stood along the sides of the runway, and the women hung back by their houses. the mayor had decided to go to a meeting in uspantan (a larger town quite a ways from unilla), so we were greeted by another man who was in charge that day, and leslie, craig and i started to get set up while duane went back for the others. shortly after the second landing, leslie was approached about a lady near there who could not leave her bed and had been very sick for a while (i won't go into details for those non-medical people...). so, while her and malachi headed out to see her, the rest of us hung out with the kids and waited for the people to arrive.... and hung out with the kids and waited for the people to arrive... and waited.... and waited. not that i am complaining about the wait... it was a very good opportunity to talk to some of the people there and play with the kids, but it was so different than the other medical trips that we do where people are usually lined up waiting for us to arrive.

and i do not want to sound like i think that we are movie stars here or anything either - needing people to be waiting for us when we arrive - but usually if a village has asked us to come do a clinic there, it is because the people want to be treated medically, and so they are waiting... anxious... often times pushing each other just trying to get a number to be seen and treated.

when leslie and malachi returned (their story is on the adonai blog - the link is on the side of my page), we were still waiting for people to arrive, and had decided that if no one had come by the time malachi and leslie returned (they needed to run some other medicine back to the lady's house), we would leave. so, the rest of us started packing up, but little by little people started to trickle in, until we ended up having a full-blown clinic that day and the next day.

as i reflected on it later, i realized that what bothered me more than anything about the whole thing was a seeming sense of apathy. but not apathy because they don't care, but almost because it was too much energy to move forward in the good things they had there. for example, for an area that has two growing seasons each year, we only saw one field of corn planted, and when i asked them if they grew anything else, they told me that no, they didn't want to grow anything else.... they would rather buy the vegetables from people who bring them in from other villages near by. they live right next to a river, but when i said, "oh then you must eat a lot of fish," they said "no, that's a lot of work..." and when a medical clinic lands itself right in the midst of their village (whose only medical care consists of two nurses that come out once a month to the government health clinic there), they waited until early afternoon to start trickling over.

and while this may sound weird, and i do not want to over analyze things, i felt like i was in the midst of people who had already been won over by another side.... their drunkenness on their sugar cane drink, the empty look in their eyes, their seemingly lack of desire to fight or expel energy towards things that will keep them living. and i felt like this must have been what it was like for some of the early missionaries who went into jungle areas that had never ever heard the gospel of christ... and i suddenly wanted to stand there for a long time, to live among these people, to get to know them and the answers to the why questions. to show to them the love of god over and over and over again.... the faithfulness of god over and over again.

and the verse that kept running through my head was, "i am still confident of this; i will see the goodness of the lord in the land of the living," one that has run through my head many times here.

and then i am reminded of the goodness of the lord that we did see... craig playing on a log and laughing with a bunch of kids early in the morning, leslie and malachi showing god's love to a family in all that they did for that lady... that family later coming to clinic and us getting to talk to them about accepting christ... and laughing with them. women and children coming, and getting to do about 10 ultrasounds, at least 3 of which had come the first time we went there... craig and malachi showing the jesus film to over 300 people.

and i am sure that there were many more things that i missed along the way as well.

because god is reminding me that his "messages" do not usually (although sometimes they do, as abi reminds us...) come tacked to our front gate, but that does not mean that he is not speaking to us or moving around and in us. through the scriptures he whispers to our hearts, the strength he offers us on a hard day, a kind word, a hand on our shoulder, god is moving, and god is speaking.... i am confident of this.

the question usually is whether or not i am listening or looking in the right places.... and what am i doing to plug into where he is moving?

so, while i cannot move there and live among the people as i desire some days, i know that our prayers are often farther-reaching than any acts we can do here or words we can say. will you please pray for the people of this town of unilla also?

the comings and goings

life has continued to be busy, and we feel the loss of the allisons in many areas of life. they helped out not only with the many aspects of ministry, but we also miss our "gringo neighbors." we are thankful, though, for the season of time that we had with them and all that we learned from and with them along the way. from clinics, to bagging milk, to accounting work, learning the value of sabbath and slowing down, to late night capture the flag games, beach volleyball games, and sack races, they added a lot of good to our lives with their presence here... we look forward to seeing where God leads them.

as everyone has heard, we crossed a large milestone with abi's adoption as the judge approved her paperwork to become an offical part of our family! this was a huge answer to prayers, but duane and leslie continue to fight systems and paperwork struggles to help things keep moving... lets just say there's been lots of guatemalan hugs lately :)

the rains have begun to come a little more consistently now, raining the past three nights in a row! we are now hoping that the rainy season will start in full bloom soon and help bring down the high heat levels and bring some green to our corner of the world again. aaron, joe, dave and craig planted seed in our back pasture yesterday, and dave continues to get more calls for tractor work. i have forgotten how much your entire body can actually crave rain after the mini drought that october through april brings...

psator phil along with wade, vinny, and micahel were an encouragement and blessing once again this year. we were able to get out into some different aldeas as they preached in a few different churches each of the three nights they were here. it always makes my heart happy to see the different people that we see in clinics in the midst of the church services as well. while i am so grateful for the way that we are able to have one-on-one time with these people in clinics, i love the way that the body of christ can be seen in a tangible way as i watch these american pastors come here to preach to these same people, showing them the gospel of christ in a way that we cannot in the clinic setting. i know that this is how God intends it to be... we each play our part and He moves among each of our gifts to plant and cultivate the seeds that are planted in the people around us.

and we look forward to more visitors this summer starting with heidi next week! although she is not really coming just to visit us, we are claiming her for a couple days of visiting and with plans for a trip out to san pedro. we have continued to be able to make it out to this village about once a month and it is always a joy to work with and further relationships with the people there.

across cultures

at the heart of all of us, we are all just people learning how to walk this journey we call life. it does not matter what culture we are from, where we live geographically, what color our skin is, whether we are male or female, we all have the same basic needs... we all have hurts, joys, baggage, gifts, struggles, etc. and i believe that at the core of all of us, we spend a lifetime learning the balance and the ebb and flow of letting the God who created us teach us the way we are to walk and how to move on this journey with each other.

i have reminded myself of this truth many times since being down here, living in a culture quite different from the one i grew up in. sometimes it is a hard talking i have to give myself to hold onto this truth in the midst of a hard situation, and yet other times, it is so evident that it would be wrong to try to deny it.

since i first came here, i have prayed for a way to reach out to and connect with the young girls here in our area for longer than just the ten minutes we get in clinic, and about two months ago, the opportunity arose right in our clinic in san andres as i sat with a young girl who had been cutting herself after a fight with her mom the week before. as she was in the local church, i already knew her fairly well and that she already had a foundation and the basics of a walk with christ. as we talked, our conversation grew from discussing some of the resources we have available to us in spanish to meeting together once a week to inviting some of her other friends as well.

and so now we have a time of breakfast and fellowship together before clinic starts on sunday mornings. although we have only met twice so far, i am reminded how much this is going to be something that i gain a lot more from than i can give to. the group is varied in personalities and levels of maturity, both in life and spiritually. they have already opened my eyes to many problems in san andres that i did not know existed… many things that go much deeper than simply “cultural” things, although problems that seem to be tied to the deep rooted traditions and sins of their ancestors here… many problems that seem to have been brought in by the influence of western culture…. many that are the products of a parental structure that places little to no value on discipline and kids that have never learned the concept of obeying.

and yet in light of all the things my eyes were opened to, i was reminded of the thing that i have learned over and over in my time here as i have listened to stories of abuse and neglect, watched customs deeply rooted in unfair treatment of women and children, and watched the far and deep reaching hold that alcoholism and satanic worship practices have over the men and women here. i was reminded that the first thing that and the most important thing we can do is pray.

pray and pray and pray that god will have mercy on us, that he will forgive us and our ancestors, that he will break our hearts, humble us, and then restore us to what he has created us to be…. how he has created us to live. that he will break that spiritual strongholds that are so obviously still binding the people of this area, in church and out of church… the strongholds that go back thousands of years to a culture, practices, beliefs, and people that i have only read about in the history books.

and this time with these girls has also reminded me how truly lucky i am that not only my family heritage is one of christianity, but my country’s heritage as well… a country that was founded on christian principles by christian people. i never realized any of this to the degree i understand it now… until i have lived in and amidst problems that are so deeply entrenched in the very beginnings of this country… satanic worship, poverty, malnutrition, abuse and neglect.


and i realize that this freedom we have in the states did not come by letting life just pass us by, but it came with a fight from the very beginning. i pray that we in the states are still fighting for the freedom that we have enjoyed... a freedom that came not just from being able to do whatever we want (our rights...) but a freedom that came from being founded on christian principles and seeking after our God.

and i ask that you would pray for this country as well. that we will fight in prayer for the freedom of the people here...

because we all want to be free, don't we?